July 24, 2024

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The dirty dozen – Family life

Last month, my blog reached the grand outdated age of 12. I can not rather imagine it’s been all-around for so very long – it is a veritable electronic antique now – and that I have not received bored of it still.

Talking of which, I may perhaps finally cling up my keyboard before the subsequent regular landmark – though I have no strategies to do so nevertheless – so it would make sense to celebrate although I’m nonetheless heading.

And how do you rejoice when you have written way as well lots of website posts? With a compilation post, of course!

Over the years, I’ve protected the grim side of parenting quite a great deal so, devoid of even further ado, I give you the soiled dozen.

A man wearing a surgeon-style mask holding a dirty toothpaste lid.

5 gross matters that young children do

I know, I know… how did I only occur up with 5? This write-up addresses licking toothpaste lids, lacking the bathroom and ‘cleaning’ with snot rags.

It also contains a pre-pandemic shot of me sporting a face mask. Probably parenting truly prepared me for the last few of years.

Zombie eye!

There are many proud firsts we rejoice as parents. First actions, laughs and words are always highlights.

This post is about my very first kid-induced corneal abrasion and subsequent bout of conjunctivitis. Awwww…

This is heading to generate me potty

Ugh. Rest room schooling. I’m glad we’re well further than this grim phase. I even now consider it would have been easier to persuade Ghengis Khan to sit on a potty than it was with oldest.

Moreover nobody explained to me I was likely to have to give a reside demonstration…

5 ways my kids have designed me skanky

Ah, those beautiful early days. When you really do not get any snooze and inadvertently abandon your particular cleanliness. It’s well well worth a place in the soiled dozen.

Here’s how I ended up hunting like a cross in between Wolverine and Mr Twit.

A swear box

Invasion of the swearing toddler

Yet another very pleased milestone listed here: baby’s first swear. We have all been there, proper? But this was both equally a poor a single and my fault.

But, even if I say so myself, there was a fantastic bit of improvisation to shut it down.

That’s properly ill

Ah, our initial complete-spouse and children sick bug. It is funny how projectile vomiting is truly amusing till you are on the obtaining stop of it.

It also served to confirm my feelings on some contemporary slang staying fairly questionable.

Mud kitchens: why?

Why on earth did my kids’ primary college make a decision to incorporate a mud kitchen area? It was instead at odds with its pretty demanding uniform plan.

My youngsters ended up seeking like they’d been to Glastonbury and opposite to the well known tune, mud is not good for cooling the blood…

Two cartoon characters with photos of two little boys' faces superimposed on them.

Masters of farts

Any excuse to Photoshop my sons as South Park’s Terrance and Phillip. But, to be truthful, they gained it. How?

Employing the phrase ‘poo’ as punctuation, farting on desire and laughing like a pair of minimal youngsters. Which, to be honest, they had been at the time.

Major variations involving boys and women? Not in our household

Not to be outdone by her brothers’ exploits ahead of she was on the scene, youngest was swift to demonstrate that the so-called dissimilarities concerning boys and women are nonsense.

This post capabilities Frozen’s Queen Elsa on a various sort of throne.

A flash-in-the-pan flashback

Spoiler alert: this is a further instance of me unintentionally teaching 1 of the little ones a rude word. And, no, regardless of currently being about Pancake Working day, it wasn’t ‘tosser’.

Other factors of fascination incorporate a large mess in the kitchen and a compact fireplace!

A fairytale scene with characters burping and farting and the words 'The Brothers Grim' superimposed.

The Brothers Grim

Ok, this one’s about toilet humour yet again. But I was too amused by the flatulent fairy tale figures in the key picture to leave it out.

As the title suggests, this one’s about my older two children retelling classic bedtime stories with a faecal twist. Wonderful.

The birds and bees with cuddly toys

Where do infants arrive from? Indeed, I know you know. But how do you make clear to your young young children how the new baby got there?

Obviously, we turned to their cuddly toys. Essentially, so did they…

This concludes my special soiled dozen. Many thanks for examining. And sorry.